Here's a tasty morsel for all those fascinated by the secrets of the Night City underbelly! After months of stonewalling and upsetting threats, I finally arranged an interview with a member of the Animals gang. We met in a bar on the far westside of Pacifica. When she pierced my eyes with her own slitted pupils, I thought back to those old wildlife docuvids I used to watch and realized I must have felt just like those gazelles did when ambushed by a pride of a lions.
Interviewer: Truly, thank you for agreeing to this interview. They didn't mind, your...pack? Herd?
Anon Animal: (burst of laughter) They don't give two rat shits! Do what I want, when I want. They got a problem, me and them can square up. Thing is, I know they (sic) all too scared to try.
Interviewer: Are all of the Animals guided by this "survival of the fittest" principle?
Anon Animal: Bet your ass! If you ain't hard, you're a blood bag waiting to pop. That's why we bulk. 'Roids, modified horse growth hormones, at least half a day in the gym-- (interviewer interrupts)
Interviewer: Wait, wait...(confused pause) did you say horse?
Anon Animal: (laughs) What, you think "Animals" is just some cute name? Humans are weak by nature. Hippos, though? They can eat a whole croc – can you? And, dude, tigers? Four-inch canines and seven hundred pounds of pure fucking majesty. And that's who we are – the alpha beasts of Night City. Kings and queens of life and death.
Interviewer: You sound like a poet.
Anon Animal: (laughs) Say that again and you'll be wearing your jaw like a hat.
Interviewer: (nervous laughter) Yes, well... (clears throat) Is it true you reject the use of cybernetics?
Anon Animal: Yes and no. Coprocessors can be hacked, so we steer clear of those. But retractable blades, metal claws, titanium jaws, leopard-print techleather – that's another story.
Interviewer: Fascinating... (pause) Well, I won't keep you any longer, so let me thank you for your time today. Is there anything else you'd like to express to our readers?
Anon Animal: Don't fuck with the Animals, Night City. We'll rip you apart, chew you up, and spit out the bones.
